Between A Rock And A Hard Place Discontinued
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: When an angel gives Monk the chance to go back in time and save 1 person he is thrilled. But when Julie Teeger needs a bone marrow transplant and only her father has the matching bone marrow he is faced with an impossible decision. Save Trudy or Julie?
1. Monk's point of view

Any orginal characters are mine. This is dedicated to the fanfiction auther Adrian and Natalie ((at least I think that's how she spells it))

* * *

Some decisions are hard to make. A good example of that is what shirt to put on in the morning, what to eat for breakfast or should I wash the dishes first or straighten up the table.  
Other decisions are harder to make. Sometimes you find yourself being placed in a moral situation. Sometimes your heart tells you one thing and your head tells you another. Who do you listen to? Who do you obey? Of course there are times when the answer is easy but there are other times where it can be almost sickening to try and make decisions that you don't know if they are right, wrong or in between.  
Then there are the impossible decisions. It's a decision where your heart tells you one thing and at the same time your heart tells you another thing. Little did I know that soon I would find myself in such a predicament. Natalie is my best friend. Sometimes we fight or rather there are times we disagree. Sometimes I act stupid and that pisses her off. There are even times that she gets mad. I can't blame her for that. I don't like it but I can't blame her for it. Still, she is my best friend.  
She is always able to make me laugh when I'm feeling like I'll never laugh again. She's there for me when I need her and I'm always there for her when she needs me.  
There is an unspoken contract between the two of us that we know we can count on each other. She's been there for me in the middle of the night, at 3 o'clock in the morning sometimes. I would be there for her just like she's there for me.  
As far as guys go, Leland is definitely my closest friend. He has always been there for me. We fight all the time of course but that's something guys too. It's almost affectionate.  
Most people are there for themselves and their own before considering anyone else. He was always there for me. Yes, I know that I said that before but I need to make sure you understand that it is a true friendship.  
As far as family goes there is no question that my best friend is my brother. Oh don't get me wrong… we are as alike as two peas in a pod and different as night and day. We have opinions that don't match up. At times we have been known to get on each others nerves. That's natural and there's nothing phenomenal about it.  
My wife, she was more then my best friend. She was the person that completed me. She was the person the made me exist as the person I am. We never fought. At times she would have an idea that I didn't agree with but I'd still hear her out and then do what she said. It wasn't that I was afraid of her. I wasn't. I just knew that she was always right. She taught me the right way to do things I always thought I knew how to do.  
I remember one time I did something I was always doing the way she taught me to do. She taught me to keep it loose and talk in a soft melodious tone. Leland asked me what the hell I was doing. I explained that Trudy taught me how to do it. His response was "great. Maybe we should get a doll maker in here to teach cooks how to make food"  
Randy heard that and cracked up. (Randy is another friend of mine but at times he can be a jerk)  
I finished what I was doing and lo and behold Trudy was right. That didn't surprise me. She was always right. You get more cooperation with a positive interaction when people not only think but know that you are on their side. "Well," Randy said, "I guess even those who don't know what they're talking about can be bright sometimes."  
I threw him a look.  
"I would appreciate it," I told him, "if you could reframe from insulting her. She obviously **does **know what she's talking about"  
Randy is a very good friend but he can at times be **very **irritating. Don't even try to suggest he's wrong or he'll get offended. (I could care less if he's offended when he's being stupid).  
_Here is a classic example of how he pisses me off. There was a case where a man named Charles Hossle was murdered. Somehow it was discovered that the woman (yes it was a woman) that killed Hossle was wearing lipstick. Well Trudy wore lipstick so Randy decided on that alone that she was the one that did it.  
If you ever saw an Abbot and Costello routine you __**might **__have an idea of what was going on that day. This was weeks before I lost her, she was 5 months pregnant. Leland was away on vacation and I was temporally filling in as captain.  
Everything is relatively quiet when I hear a commotion. Everyone is talking at the same time. Actually talking isn't the right word. It was more like shouting. I go into the other room to try and find out what the heck is going on.  
I see Randy dragging her in and she's cuffed up  
"What is the heck is going on," I yelled at Randy.  
"She was wearing lipstick," Randy explained  
"Wearing lipstick is not a crime," I told him sternly  
"No but killing is. The person who murdered Hossle was wearing lipstick."  
Trudy looked at me fear in her eyes and asked, "can this thing hurt the baby"  
I knew by 'this thing' she meant the cuffs.  
"No," I told her, "I don't think so but you're being upset might"  
"That's why I'm trying __**very **__hard not to be upset"  
I grabbed the keys and took those stupid cuffs off of her.  
"Monk," Randy yelled, "you can't do that"  
"Randy you're in enough trouble as it is. I recommend you don't talk because you'll only make it worse for yourself"  
"Don't you think that-"  
"I DO THINK," I scolded him, "CLEARLY YOU DON'T"  
"Do you have to yell at me," Randy asked, "I was just doing what I thought was the right thing"  
"Well let's let the pointer explain to you why it's not the right thing," I chastised him after Trduy left whacking him a few times with the pointer.  
"Hey," he whined, "that hurt"  
"What in the hell were you thinking," I asked, "lipstick does not equal the commitment of a crime"  
"No but-"  
"Randy you are not going to come in for the next week. Maybe that will give you time to think about not doing such stupid stuff as you did. Get you're things and go"  
"That's not fair"  
I whacked him again with the pointer and reminded him that what he did wasn't fair to Trudy"  
A couple of days later I ran into Randy at the store.  
"Can I ask you something," he asked  
"I think you just did," I teased  
"Are we still friends," he asked me.  
I sighed.  
I was very angry with him for what he did.  
"We are still friends," I told him, "but I don't know if I can trust you again… not for awhile anyway"  
"Why?"  
"Did you really just ask why?"  
"She was wearing lipstick after all"  
"So were tons of other people Randy. You can't base it on the fact that she was wearing lipstick."  
"But-"  
"Was there any __**real **__evidence that she did it"  
"The lipstick"  
"Don't give me the lipstick. I mean __**real **__evidence. No, of course not because she didn't do it."  
"We both know she was sick last year"  
"What the hell does that have to do with anything"_  
So back to what I was saying. Sometimes decisions are hard to make. Sometimes they are a little harder to make. Sometimes they are downright impossible to make. My story all began with Julie, Natalie's daughter… the day she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia


	2. Assurance

The minute Natalie walked into the apartment Adrian Monk knew that something was wrong, very wrong. Natalie normally had high energy, today she was walking very slow. She was ALWAYS smiling. Today she was doing all she could not to sob.  
"Natalie what's wrong?"  
"Nothing Mr. Monk," Natalie said sniffling, "I'm fine"  
"Um… Natalie I know fine and this isn't fine. Fine and this do not go hand and hand"  
Natalie sighed  
"I'm sorry Mr. Monk," she said, "it's been a rough day"  
"Does it have anything to do with yesterday," Monk asked  
"In a way but it's not about what happened yesterday," Natalie replied, "I mean those words have passed between us time and again for as long as I can remember"  
Monk didn't say a word but instead calmly motioned with his hand.  
"Okay well a few days ago I took Julie for her healthy checkup. A healthy check-up is supposed to be just that, a healthy checkup. Well today her doctor called me. Julie's white blood cell count is elevated quite a bit more then it should be. He ran some other tests on her blood not wanting to subject her to more tests if it wasn't anything serious. Well it is serious. She has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia"  
The shock that Monk felt when he heard the news resonated through his body. Julie… had a fatal disease. Julie… had a disease that could kill her if not treated properly. Julie… had a disease that was VERY HARD to treat. The daughter of his best friend, the girl that he loved as if she were his own daughter was dying.  
Suddenly things were not so cut and dry anymore (but more about that later). All of a sudden everything that was familiar to him dropped of the face of the Earth.  
"Oh Natalie oh GOD I- does Julie know?"  
Natalie shook her head.  
"She doesn't have any idea," she replied, "I can't just tell her"  
"We'll do it together," he said, "I'm behind you every step of the way"  
"Uh-huh," Natalie said distracted  
"No, Natalie I mean it."  
Natalie sighed inwardly. She knew that what Monk was saying he meant. Still if push came to shove… she didn't know… her thoughts were flying.  
"I know you mean it," she said, "Mr. Monk do you remember when the angel came to you?"  
"You mean 2 days ago," Monk asked, "yes of course"

**Flashback**

_Monk and Natalie decided to walk to the store since it was such a beautiful day. All of a sudden as they were walking everything froze but Natalie and Monk.  
"What's going on," Adrian whispered to Natalie._  
_"Adrian Monk," he heard his name being called and looked up to see a little girl. She was the same little girl at the mall when he had played Santa. _  
_"How do you know my name?"  
"I am really an angel," she explained, "and I am here to give you a gift. In 45 days you will be allowed to go back in time and save one person who passed. Remember this Adrian, GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE—BE A GOOD PERSON"  
Then she disappeared.  
"Mr. Monk that's great," Natalie told him, "Now you can… um… never mind"  
"I can… what can I do?"  
"Nothing… it was just a fleeting thought"  
"Natalie you're not making a lot of sense"  
"I know," Natalie said, "I know"  
_

**Flashback ends**

"You never told me what you meant when you said now you can…um… never mind"  
Natalie looked down in shame. He gently raised her chin  
"I had forgotten about Trudy," Natalie admitted, "and I thought for a minute maybe you could have saved Mitch"_  
_Monk sighed inwardly. He was beginning to have conflicting thoughts. Naturally his first thought was to save Trudy. He loved her. She was his world. Without her he was just death in a living body. Here was the problem though.  
Monk knew that Mitch and Julie had the same bone marrow. If it came down to it, if Julie needed a bone marrow transplant, her father's bone marrow could save her. He felt like he was caught between a rock and a hard place… and it wasn't a fun feeling at that.  
"Did they say how they were going to treat it," Monk asked  
"They're starting with a 10 day course of chemo and genetic therapy," Natalie told him  
"Natalie," he began gently-  
"Then they're weaning her off it 2 days off 8 days on but if it doesn't work-"  
_Damnit _Monk said to himself, _why do I have to love you and Julie?  
_"Natalie," he continued gently but a little more firmly, "I'm telling you that when I say I'm with you every step of the way you can believe I'm with you every step of the way"  
"But what if times get tough?"  
"And they will," Monk said, "but have I ever backed down even when times get tough?"_  
_"No," Natalie admitted, "but what if this comes down to-"  
"Natalie lets take it one step at a time. As it is my mind is reeling"  
"I'm sorry," Natalie said and the tears started to flow again, "I didn't mean to-"_  
_"You didn't do anything to apologize for. Look first thing is first. When is Julie getting home from school"  
"She's not in school today Mr. Monk. It's Saturday.  
"It is?  
"Yes, and-"  
"And then tomorrow's Sunday and following that it would be Monday"  
"Yes Mr. Monk," Natalie acknowledged_  
_ "Julie's starting chemo on Monday?"  
"How did you know?"  
"Most centers start on Monday as a jump off day. That way they can keep track. What is she doing today?"  
"Well she slept in late," Natalie said, "she was tired"  
"Yeah. When Trudy was diagnosed with a brain tumor she got a lot more tired then usual. It was after she had a miscarriage and her mood was less then extraordinary so when her personality began to change and she began sleeping later everyone thought she was depressed. Then she started doing things she didn't remember"  
"Did you-"  
He shook his head.  
"I knew she was depressed about the miscarriage and I knew that she was upset about what happened but I also knew something was wrong. She wasn't herself. It was like the Trudy that I knew and loved had been taken over by an alien"  
Natalie sighed  
"But Trudy and Julie have another thing in common to. Trudy survived and Julie is going to survive. There is no way in hell I'm letting her die"


	3. Telling Julie

A friend will laugh at your jokes even when they aren't funny. A true friend will tell you the truth that you aren't being funny. A friend will bail you out of a bad situation. A true friend will be right in that situation with you. A friend will say things to make you feel better when you're going through a tough time. A true friend will put you first. Adrian Monk had a lot of faults but one thing that you could definitely say about him was that he was definitely a true friend.  
When they got to Natalie's apartment Julie was making pancakes.  
"Hey mom," Julie said, "you seemed sad the past few days so I was hoping maybe this would cheer you up"  
"Thank you sweetie," Natalie told her daughter, "here sit down. We need to talk."  
"Did I do something wrong?"  
"No Julie," Natalie said, "but honey something **is **wrong."  
Julie sat down sensing that this was serious.  
"Julie," Monk began, "there's no easy way to tell you this but you're pretty sick right now. You have something called A.L.L."  
"All? What to I have all of?"  
"No honey," Natalie said, "A.L.L is not like that. When we say you have A.L.L… it's a form of cancer. It's a specific blood cancer."  
If Julie had freaked out or started crying Monk would not have been surprised. That's the way most people react when they find out news like that. If she had been in shock he wouldn't have been surprised. Again many people react that way too. She had another reaction however  
Julie's reaction was one that Monk did NOT expect. It was to comfort her mother.  
"Mom," she said, "it's okay. I'm going to- we're going to get through this. After all, like you always tell me, we're a we"  
"You always tell Julie 'we're a we?"  
"Yeah," Natalie said, "it means-"  
"Trudy used to tell me that all the time," Monk whispered  
"Mr. Monk can we focus here," Natalie desperately intoned.  
"Right," he said, "sorry. I guess I just…"  
Monk stopped talking, lost in his thoughts. He then took one of Julie's hands and one of Natalie's hands and squeezed them both.  
"The doctor," Natalie told Julie, "said that you need chemo and genetic therapy"  
"Am I going to need a bone marrow transplant?"  
"You might. Hopefully it won't come down to that," Monk said for both selfish and unselfish reasons. He knew about bone marrow transplants. His brother had a bone marrow transplant when he was 11-years-old and Monk knew that parents are the best match. Well a twin was a best match, then a parent and then another sibling. Julie was not a twin and Natalie wasn't a match. Her bone marrow was tested. Monk knew that Mitch was a match for Julie.  
"Yes I hope it won't come down to it too," Natalie said  
If Julie needed a bone marrow transplant and he wasn't a match… he intended to be tested of course, that would mean that Monk would morally have to chose Mitch. He would have to save Mitch. Technically he wouldn't **have **to. He could choose not to. But he would feel as if he were killing Julie if he didn't save Mitch.  
"Mr. Monk are you okay," Julie asked.  
"Yes," Monk said with a smile, "I just was thinking about some stuff"  
"Stuff?"  
"Stuff that I hope I don't have to think about"  
"So why are you thinking about it if you don't want to think about it," Julie asked  
Monk smiled at the little girl.  
"It's sort of an adult situation"  
"Oh. You mean like-"  
"No honey," Natalie interrupted, "you see Mr. Monk was given a very unusual gift. Because of that gift he has to make a choice. It's not the easiest choice to make"  
"Oh. Just go with your heart," Julie explained  
"Yeah not so easy when my heart tells me one thing and my heart tells me another thing"  
"You know," Julie said, "I heard that people are rewarded for doing what they know is right"  
"That leads us back to I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT"  
"Mr. Monk," Natalie said, "calm down"  
"Sorry"  
"Mom," Julie asked, "am I going to have to go into the hospital"  
"You'll be in the hospital for the chemo and genetic therapy but you'll be able to leave the hospital after the treatments."  
Julie sighed in relief.  
"And you won't be alone Julie," Monk added, "we'll be with you the whole time"  
"Thank you," Julie said hugging him, "you're really an awesome person"  
"I'm not as awesome as you might think sometimes," Monk joked, "I'm made my share of mistakes"  
It was true. He had made plenty of mistakes and some, more so then others which he regretted. Trudy explained to him when he admitted one particular mistake he made, that she was proud of him for admitting his mistakes whereas most people act like it never happened. She told him she wasn't happy about what he did but the best thing to do would be to move on and that's exactly what happened. It was never even mentioned again.  
"You know," Monk told Natalie and Julie, "some people, they have **such **an easy time making decisions-"  
"Actually," Julie said, "according to one of my older friends they really don't. Some people have an easier time making decisions then others but decisions are really hard.  
"Some people let it to fate. They go with what they are feeling. They pick the answer out of a hat. They flip a coin. My friend, on the other hand carefully thinks out her decisions as does the people in her family."  
"How does she know what to do," Monk asked  
"The way she does it would not work for you," Natalie explained, "she writes a comparison list of pros and cons."  
"Why wouldn't that work for me," Monk asked  
"Because you would be obsessed with folding the paper in half so the line is just so"  
"I guess you would be right about that"  
"I'm always right," Natalie joked trying to lighten the mood. She got serious.  
"Mr. Monk you can make decisions. I've seen you make some pretty tough decisions"  
"I didn't make those decisions easily," Monk replied, "and if circumstances were different I don't know what I would do"  
"Of course they weren't easy," Natalie came back, "if they were easy they wouldn't be tough"  
Monk sighed  
"So Natalie what decision do you think I should make?"  
"Well speaking with a clear mind right now… because there may be times I'm not thinking with a clear mind I think you need to make the decision that you think is right"  
_Very helpful, _Monk thought to himself  
"I'm going to be so ugly when my hair falls out," Julie whispered.  
"No honey you could never be ugly," Natalie told her, "besides hair is only hair."  
"I know," Julie said with a sigh, "I'm sorry. I'm just a little upset"  
"You have every right to be," Monk told Julie, "you just got some really scary news"  
"Julie," Natalie told her, "it's okay to be scared. I'm scared"  
"What do you do when you're scared," Julie asked  
"You'll laugh," Natalie told her, "but I get out the stories and poems you wrote and I read them"  
"Let's do that," Julie suggested, "maybe it will take our mind off this"  
Natalie and Monk both agreed that was a good idea.  
"You know what," Natalie said, "how about we start with my favorite one. It's called Joshua and the race"  
"Oh mom," Julie laughed, "I wrote that in 1st grade"  
"Joshua was the middle child and the only boy," Natalie began, "he had an older sister named Jane. He had a younger sister named Jean"  
"His parents must have loved the names that started with a J"  
"Well my name started with a J," Julie explained  
"Oh"  
"We had to make all of the characters start with the same letter of our names"  
"May I continue," Natalie asked not being sarcastic  
"Sure"  
"Jane was very protective of her brother but Jean was kind of jealous of **him**. **He **was very special and he picked things up very quickly. **He **could do things better then most people could. One day Jean suggested a race.  
"Where will we race to,"** he **asked **his **sister.  
"Up the hill and down again," Jean suggested  
Joey, their father offered to be the time keeper.  
"Okay," Joshua said  
"On your mark, get set, go"  
Joshua took off running with Jane only a little bit behind **him**. Jean was actually catching up to **him**. Then **he **fell. **He **had twisted **his** ankle. This was Jean's chance to win. But she looked and saw her brother was in pain.  
"It's okay Josh," she told **him **stopping to help **him **up, "come on. You can lean on me. We'll make it down together"  
Jane won the race that day but as their father set Joshua's foot he turned to Jean.  
"Jean," he told her, "I want you to know you were the real winner today."  
"How," Jean asked, "Jane won the race"  
"Jane did win the race that's true but you saw your brother hurting so you stopped and helped your brother instead of winning. That makes you a real winner"  
"I don't always see myself as a winner," she told them, "**He's **so much better then me"  
"At some things I am," Joshua said, "but do you know what I see when I look at you. I see my little sister and my best friend"  
"Okay for now you do," Jane said, "but what are you going to see in the future when you look at me. Will you even know me?"  
Joshua laughed  
"Of course I'm going to know you," **he **told her, "and I will still see my little sister and my best friend"  
The 3 siblings hugged. They now had an unspoken agreement that they would always be there for each other. The end"  
"Julie," Monk exclaimed, "you wrote that in first grade?"  
"I know it sucks"  
"No it's amazing. How did you know so many big words as a child"  
"My dad taught me," Julie explained.  
_Of course, _Monk thought to himself.  
"Oh," Natalie said, "I think you'll like this one"  
"What is it mom?"  
"This one is the one you wrote last year"  
"Oh. That one is good. It's called YOU CAN HAVE MY ROOM"  
Natalie began reading.  
"It was a snowy day much like the first Christmas. A woman, Annie and her husband Matthew was on a trip and their car broke down. They went into a hotel but found it was full. Annie was heavily pregnant.  
"I'm sorry," said the owner, a young mother of about 25. Matthew put his arm around his wife. Suddenly the woman's five year old daughter, Michelle called out, "wait please don't go. You can have my room"  
That night Annie and Matthew's baby was born and they named her Michelle after the child who had sacrificed her own room for them."  
Monk looked up with tears in his eyes… that story really touched him.


	4. Arguing With The ID

**In this chapter the selfish part of Monk (his ID) is arguing with him. He refuses to let his ID and the desire for his reward to overcome his need to do right by Natalie**

It had to have been the hardest decision Adrian Monk had ever made. As he said in the beginning of the chapter, no decision came easy for him. He had a hard enough time deciding what to put on in the morning and all his clothes were alike. This was a nearly impossible decision. After speaking with Julie and when Julie was asleep Natalie and Monk sat down for a talk.

"Natalie," he asked, "is this the first time Julie has been sick… with that disease?"

Slowly Natalie shook her head.

"She had it once before when she was a little older then four. We found out on her 5th birthday. She… ended up having to have a bone marrow transplant"

"You were a match," Monk asked

Again Natalie shook her head.

"No… Mitch was…"

Although it was hot out Monk felt all his bone run cold. It was at that moment that he knew what he might have to do.

"I can't lose her," Natalie whispered shaking with terror.

"You're not going to," Monk said firmly, "that is a guarantee"

She raised an eyebrow not catching his meaning.

"Natalie need tops want any time" he said.

"OH MY GOD," she squealed excitedly, "I SO LOVE YOU"

Every ounce of common sense in him was screaming at him that he shouldn't do this. All through his life he had to sink or swim on his own. Why shouldn't Natalie have to sink or swim on her own?

_It's not only Natalie, _he reminded his ID, "it's Julie too"

"But you have a chance to get Trudy back," his ID pointed out.

_Maybe I will anyway, _he thought to himself, _I mean people do sometimes get rewarded for doing the right thing and I will not listen to you anymore ID. You have gotten me in trouble far too many times. I have learned to listen to myself when I'm right._

"But I'm you," his ID said to him

_You're the selfish part of me, _he said to his ID, _and I will not allow myself to be selfish… not again._


End file.
